dearbretagne;

I saw you last night.. Not in reality, but in this slew of...

Wed, 03 Apr 2013 01:38:01 -0400

I saw you last night.. Not in reality, but in this slew of imagination, and for a second, I thought things were perfect again. A dream of you, where everything is perfectly resolved, and nothing had went wrong. But once I wake up, I look back at my phone, and re-read the harsh words that you left me with, and know that my false reality was just a playful trick, that was put on by my aching brain. I can’t go through these days properly, you see, because every damn thing I do, and every fucking thing I see is brought back like a reoccurring, torturous memory. So my solution? I try to sleep, try to escape, but all that leads me to is an imprisonment of the mind, where my dreams fade me into this illusion that everything might be okay between us. But what do I get rudely awakened to? The reality that I’m still alone in this fucking bed, with all of my mistakes, and all of my tears in hand. I wish I could escape these nightmares.

Song flowing through my mind:
Title: Six Degrees of Separation
Artist: The Script
Album: 3

So many questions, so many unanswered parallels that I’m...

Fri, 15 Mar 2013 04:57:55 -0400

So many questions, so many unanswered parallels that I’m still longing to be resolved. I’m still confused, darling, and still in a wreck that you’ve left me in. I wish things had never changed, and I still keep replaying the “what ifs”, but it seems you’re long gone. It’s been nearly a month, and I really ought to forget it, but something keeps me holding on to you. Please, come back to me, love, because I thought you were the one.

Song flowing through my head:
Title: Almost Lover
Artist: A Fine Frenzy
Album: One Cell In The Sea

Throughout the years, whenever my grandmother and I were apart,...

Wed, 06 Mar 2013 15:01:20 -0500

Throughout the years, whenever my grandmother and I were apart, she’d write me letters constantly. Most saying how she missed me, and how the ocean was calling my name, but also about silly things. This postmark came off of one of the letters she had sent me that had some funny song lyrics in it that she had stuck in her head. “May the bird of paradise fly up your nose, may an elephant caress you with his toes.” The date inside, April 30th, 1948 is her birthday. Done by Ashley Sellers at Hall of Tattoos in Norman.

Throughout my numerous trips to Oregon, one of my favorite...

Wed, 06 Mar 2013 15:00:35 -0500

Throughout my numerous trips to Oregon, one of my favorite memories would have to be when my aunt, grandma, and I climbed Mary’s Peak in Philomath. Yes, it wasn’t that high, but when you got to the top, it was beautiful. You could see the line where the ocean met the sky, see the valleys, and all the beauty Oregon had to hold. When my grandmother passed away in December, I recalled this as being one of the times I had seen her happy, and accomplished, so I wanted to relish this moment for the rest of my life. She meant the absolute world to me, and that’s how I want to remember her. The quote beneath the frame says, “Go outside, look up, see the brightest star,” and that is why one star is shining brighter than the others. This quote is taken from a letter my grandmother left for me after she passed away which said, “Go outside, look up, see the brightest star, that’s me shining down upon you.” The quote is also in her handwriting. This was done by Ashley Sellers at Hall of Tattoos in Norman.

I’m still confused. I thought things were perfect, once...

Tue, 05 Mar 2013 02:35:11 -0500

I’m still confused. I thought things were perfect, once again, and I thought that nothing could ever go wrong; I felt almost infinite. You gave me the sparks shooting down my spine, and the smile that could stretch two-thousand miles, but I found out how swiftly the ignition of sparks and flames can diminish to a smoldering pile of smoke and ashes. I assume that I’ll just have to learn to get over it, and start over again, but every time I feel a comeback, I just as quickly fall in to a relapse. I know you said that you didn’t mean to hurt me, but you don’t realize how attached I was already, and how that one moment crushed me like a bug on the freeway. I was already such a delicate spirit, and even though you promised against my tears, it was that which you caused. Even though, now I feel like lying on the ground and crying, I know that if I got a call from you, I’d end up falling back in a second, without-a-doubt. I hope you see this, and I hope you understand.

Song flowing through my mind:
Title: Over You
Artist: Chris Daughtery
Album: Daughtery

Why must my mind insist on drowning me with memories that I try...

Tue, 05 Mar 2013 02:05:07 -0500

Why must my mind insist on drowning me with memories that I try so desperately to repress? Any moment that a shred of happiness distracts me, there strikes a notion of sadness just to diminish my mood. I suppose it’s really all still lingering in my mind, yet I still don’t wish to admit it. You’re gone, and I need to just learn to accept the fact that I’ll have to grow up without your touch, smell, or help. I guess when I told you that I’d never let go, my mind hooked onto that promise and continues to torture me with it everyday.

You’ll be home in three days time, and I can’t...

Tue, 05 Mar 2013 01:59:07 -0500

You’ll be home in three days time, and I can’t believe what I’ve put you through. Now I see how the tables have turned, and how I didn’t hold on to you. I try to convince myself that I’ve done nothing wrong, yet my conscious reminds me of the unforeseen lies that I tell myself. Why can’t I just settle down and keep a promise for once? He kept his.. You know you’re a terrible person when even your dreams insists upon reminding you of your dreadful decisions.

Song flowing through my mind:
Title: I’m a Terrible Person
Artist: Rooney
Album: Rooney

A smile can only last so long.. This illusion of happiness that...

Thu, 14 Feb 2013 02:33:00 -0500

A smile can only last so long.. This illusion of happiness that tries to playfully consume my conscious never succeeds, and simply leaves me crumbling worse than before. I let you intoxicate me, and fill me with dreams, never doses of reality, yet my body toys with the new found emotion, and drains me once again. You sincerely do not realize how a person works.. You merely skip through life, as a harmless game of hopscotch, and don’t stop to see the people you leave in agony. Come on, brain, and let me live, quit dragging me into the gutter, and leaving me writhing in pain. I can’t take this much longer.

Song flowing through my head:
Title: Miserable at Best
Artist: Mayday Parade
Album: A Lesson in Romantics

I’m severely into Polaroid photos, so I had this one...

Sun, 27 Jan 2013 05:13:12 -0500

I’m severely into Polaroid photos, so I had this one designed to depict some buildings of the Tulsa skyline. The quote, “Let’s burn our dreams into the skyline,” is from Stay Young by We the Kings. What the song means to me is to never give up on your dreams, and to just live. It may be your last night, or you may have a lifetime ahead of you, but just live. Done by Robbie at Just Another Hole in Tulsa. — at Just Another Hole Body Arts.

Growing up, my family and I always planted sunflowers, every...

Sun, 27 Jan 2013 05:12:07 -0500

Growing up, my family and I always planted sunflowers, every year. To me, sunflowers stood for how we can grow tall as a family. No matter how much anyone in my family fights, or any issues we may have, I will stand tall for them, and they in-turn for me. The quote, “C’est la vie,” in French means, “Such is life, or, That’s life.” Life isn’t going to cease to stop when you have a rough spot, and you’ll just have to deal with it. Sometimes it can bring tragedies, or moments filled with joy. Done by Ashley Sellers at Hall of Tattoos in Norman.

I have an incredibly deep love for not only the movie of...

Sun, 27 Jan 2013 05:11:13 -0500

I have an incredibly deep love for not only the movie of Titanic, but the history as well. After watching Titanic week after week, and reading about history and background information for years, I decided to get this tattoo. The words, “To making it count” derive from Jack Dawson’s speech he makes while in the First Class dining saloon with Rose and her family and friends. His speech includes a spill saying, “I figure life’s a gift and I don’t intend on wasting it. You don’t know what hand you’re gonna get dealt next. You learn to take life as it comes at you… to make each day count.” Afterwards, Rose makes a daring move to make a toast to his words by saying, “To making it count,” which is the point to where she turns from what everyone is telling her to do, and makes her move to do what she wants to do, which is be with Jack. This quote being with me is not only a tribute to making each day count, but as a strong willed person, it shows me to continue to stand for what I want and not let anyone get in the way and influencing me. The anchor shows a tribute to Titanic and her history, as well as how many lives were lost among her ill-fated voyage. This was done by Ashley Sellers at Hall of Tattoos.

Got this done by Ashley at Hall of Tattoos. She did such an...

Sun, 27 Jan 2013 05:09:43 -0500

Got this done by Ashley at Hall of Tattoos. She did such an incredible job. I got this tattoo because I collect antique cameras and have a passion for photography. I’ve fallen in love with accordion style cameras. The quote “Photos make our memories stand clear” is from We the King’s song ‘The View From Here’ off of their third album. The song talks about never giving up until you make it, but always remember the things and memories that got you there. The quote is also written in the lead singer, Travis Clark’s, handwriting, where he wrote it out for me upon one of my many times meeting him.

My head is spinning with the thought of the past. I remember...

Wed, 16 Jan 2013 04:24:28 -0500

My head is spinning with the thought of the past. I remember that day so clearly, and it still pains me of what you chose. You’ve made up your mind, which is beginning to make up mine. I’ve made my move, took my shot, and you’ve left me in the dark with nothing to do but squander for a hint of knowledge from you. I search your barren eyes, vacant words, and lifeless lies for a taste of truth, longing for explanation, but all I find is a hole that you’ve left my love to rot in. You’ve got to make up your mind sooner or later, or regret all you’ve ever found.

Song flowing through my head:
Title: Perfect Mistake
Artist: Cartel
Album: Cycles

I can’t seem to awaken from this nightmare. I don’t...

Tue, 15 Jan 2013 01:48:26 -0500

I can’t seem to awaken from this nightmare. I don’t want to believe anything that’s been said. I feel my desperation taking over my body, and I feel the weights resting on my shoulders, dragging me slowly but surely. I feel absolutely defeated. Everything I see reminds me of you, and the ring you left for me? A constant reminder that you’re not here. I didn’t even get the chance to say goodbye, to say how much you meant to me, or to tell you I love you. Grandma, please stay with me, watch over me, and help me through all of this. I need things to change.

Song flowing through my head:
Title: Slipped Away
Artist: Avril Lavigne
Album: Under My Skin

I sit here and retrace my thoughts.. What went wrong? Where did...

Sun, 09 Dec 2012 01:04:37 -0500

I sit here and retrace my thoughts.. What went wrong? Where did it turn? What can I do? You loved me, and I, in turn, loved you.. I thought we were everything, but this silence is ceaseless. How is it that one minute we are perfect, and the next, everything is fucked? How is it so hard for me to forget about you, if you so easily forgot about me?

Song flowing through my head:
Title: I Almost Do
Artist: Taylor Swift
Album: Red (Deluxe Edition)

Why do I keep sinking? Why do I keep falling? I tell myself not...

Sat, 08 Dec 2012 02:06:46 -0500

Why do I keep sinking? Why do I keep falling? I tell myself not to answer, but your face shows up on my phone, and I fall back into your eyes, your lies. I said yes this time, and I don’t know why.. My focus is blinded, and my vision is blurred. I know it’s not true, but I go for it anyways. Temporary bliss, they say. When everything else is fucked up in my life, why not add a little more?

Song flowing through my head:
Title: I Knew You Were Trouble
Artist: Taylor Swift
Album: Red (Deluxe Edition)

I just hate this. Maybe I’m being selfish, but I want you...

Sun, 25 Nov 2012 23:36:11 -0500

I just hate this. Maybe I’m being selfish, but I want you to stay here, here with me, here as us. I feel cheated in time. I know I’ll see you in three months time, but it’s just not enough for me. I wanted to hold onto you forever. Can’t believe how attached I got in such short time, but I wish I could go for it again. Come back, please, love, ‘cause I can’t catch my breath.

Song flowing through my head:
Title: Last Breath
Artist: Paradise Fears
Album: Yours Truly

I thought you were real, I thought you were true, and I thought...

Tue, 06 Nov 2012 02:15:31 -0500

I thought you were real, I thought you were true, and I thought you, out of all people, wouldn’t do this to me. With you, it seemed as if I was walking on air, as if I’d found ‘the one’, but now I wake up, face down on the ground, realizing that all of it is gone, all of it was fake, and all of it was lost. Today was my birthday, and you left me hanging. And of course, I’d get my hopes up, expecting you to knock on the door, and say, “Baby, I drove all this way,” but it was all for nothing, ‘cause I didn’t even get a call. Do you realize how much you hurt me? How much I stayed awake all day waiting for a hint of your voice reaching to me? I miss you, I miss us, do you miss me? Thing is, I know if you came through that door right now, I’d fall back in a second. Make an effort, please, before you loose me.

Song flowing through my head:
Title: The Moment I Knew
Artist: Taylor Swift
Album: Red (Deluxe Edition)

Just a ScriptWritten by Me. I can say that I’m done with...

Sun, 04 Nov 2012 20:17:37 -0500

Just a Script
Written by Me.

I can say that I’m done with you a million times over,
yet every moment without you, I can’t bear it sober.
It’s unbearable, breath-taking, an annoyance in my mind;
it’s unspeakable, untouchable, and there all the time.

Hearing nothing in your voice has wounded me once again,
thing is, I know there’s more, but I just can’t understand.
Five seconds ago, I said I was through.
But the truth is, all I want is you.

So I run, straight to you;
every moment without, it breaks me in two.
So I run, back to you;
‘cause I know that no one else will ever do.

Why can’t I release this feeling?
Each time I try, I always cease seeing.
The truth in your eyes has faded me back;
back to a reality that’s nothing but black.

You can say that you’re through a million times over,
but I know that you just can’t bear the truth when you’re sober.

Start of the StoryWritten by Me.The story starts when I first...

Wed, 24 Oct 2012 16:13:00 -0400

Start of the Story
Written by Me.

The story starts when I first saw you.
Every step I took, led to the next right on queue.
Each move you made, it drew me so near.
Until the one shot I took, made you disappear.

Along the days that flew right by,
I passed all chances of making you mine.
Days, weeks, months, and years;
Instead of taking chances, I just built up fears.

Walls were crumbling,
I was stumbling,
Never knew if I could take that chance.
I learned in that very instant,
That life was my game,
I chose Russian Roulette.

Summer was winding down like before.
Each second that passed left me in bitter remorse.
That the very next minute I could spill all my words,
I could sail down the road on that treacherous course.

I remember that moment,
where in a blank gaze.
My tongue was on fire,
you set it ablaze.
When the words that I thought,
whoa, I finally spoke.
I took that one shot,
and all my fear broke.

Before I could cherish that moment, it passed.
That bullet was blank, you’re a thing of the past.

I’ve got my finger on the trigger,
Yeah, I’m not looking back.
Life is my game,
I choose Russian Roulette.
I took a shot on you,
and then somehow: what a shame!
you shattered me in two,
you’re the one to blame.
(It ricocheted back to me, why don’t you take a bow.)

The ending of the story,
No, it’s not picturesque.
It ended like this:
‘twas nothing but a mess.

I sat there for a minute,
just to reminisce,
on that same, old story,
yeah, that one last kiss.

I’ve got my finger on the trigger,
Yeah, I’m not looking back.
Life is my game,
I choose Russian Roulette.
I took a shot on you,
and then somehow: what a shame!
you shattered me in two,
you’re the one to blame.

I felt everything slip through my fingers so fast,
The stories over now, you’re just a thing of the past.

I spent too much of my time thinking back upon you.
Well, now it’s all over.
Yeah, the story is through.